After a group stage full of wild upsets, the Round of 16 ended up pretty tame. The only on-paper upset was Morocco over Spain, and only a few of the other matchups were really competitive. 

The Magic 8 Ball predictions, however, went 4 and 4. The losses by Japan, Korea, and Poland should have probably been expected, but the Magic 8 Ball is bold! It attempts to call up on the vibes of each team or something. The USA loss to the Netherlands was just due to their pact with Satan. There’s no other explanation. 

Let’s do it again! Here’s the Magic 8 Ball predictions for the quarterfinals. Same as before, the question posed to the 8 Ball oracle is “Will (team 1) beat (team 2)?”

Croatia vs. Brazil

Croatia needed a penalty shootout to get past a scrapy Japanese squad. Throughout most of the game, the speed of Japan on breakouts looked pretty threatening against the aging core of Croatia. Brazil on the other side smashed South Korea. Neymar came back and didn’t hurt himself again, which was the only shocking part of the day. On paper, Brazil are almost certainly favorites, but the 8 Ball says Croatia will come out on top!

Netherlands vs. Argentina

The Dutch channeled evil spirits or demons mesmerize the superior American defense in the first game of the round, resulting in a USA loss. Argentina dispatched the Socceroos of Australia, ending the dream of America’s soccer buddies. Messi did Messi things, and overall the Argentines didn’t seem to exert themselves.  The Magic 8 Ball doesn’t want to bet against Messi, and predicts Argentina will win.

Morocco vs. Portugal

Morocco’s stunning win over Spain shocked everyone except us. The Magic 8 Ball called a Morocco victory, and the boy from Northwest Africa delivered. The world is now free from boring Spain tactics for at least another 2 years until Euro 2024. Portugal smashed the Swiss the way I smash Swiss rolls. Hilariously, they did it without Cristiano Ronaldo, and may have actually looked better without him. As great as it would be to see Morocco shock the world again, The 8 Ball is backing Portugal again.

England vs. France

This is easily the most intriguing matchup of the quarterfinals- the 100 Years War revived for 90 minutes! England brushed Senegal aside with little effort, and looked a whole lot better than they did at any point in the group stage. France also sent Poland home without a whole lot of effort, while Mbappe extended his Golden Boot lead. However, the Magic 8 Ball is unimpressed with Mbappe, and predicts an England victory, just like Agincourt..