In a dramatic shift, FIFA today announced the 2026 World Cup, that had been awarded to a joint bid from the United States, Mexico, and Canada, was being moved to Iran. FIFA officials indicated the change was in response to Iran’s violent crackdown on protests in the country, which better fit FIFA’s commitment to rewarding brutal autocracies. FIFA President Gianni Infantino said “while we appreciate the billions of dollars the United States can offer as the host for the World Cup, there are certain principles that we at FIFA value more. For example, the principle of rewarding appalling human rights abuses.”

Iran’s World Cup will follow the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, which featured the Qatari government building stadiums with slave labor, cracking down on women’s and LGBT rights, and stiffling any dissent against the ruling family. Before Qatar, the 2018 World Cup served to prop up Vladamir Putin’s regime in Russia after the annexation of Crimea, along with threats by racist hooligans groups and discrimination against LGBT people. 

…we just didn’t take into account the Iranians shooting women in the streets. That was a real game changer

CONCACAF President Victor Montagliani

CONCACAF President Victor Montagliani indicated that was “disappointed” with the FIFA decision, and insisted that all the appropriate bribes had been submitted to FIFA leadership. “We made sure all the special suitcases reached their destinations,” Montagliani said, “but we just didn’t take into account the Iranians shooting women in the streets. That was a real game changer.”

The news did not sit well with United States Soccer President Cindy Parlow Cone, who insisted that the history of human rights abuses by the United States should make it competitive with any other nation. “While I understand FIFA’s decision in light of recent events, I have total confidence in the US government to step up their oppression,” Cone said. “I mean, you’d think our native genocide would have run up the score enough.”

For Iran’s part, Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi thanked FIFA for the move, and promised to step up their oppressive actions against citizens to justify FIFA’s faith in their government.